I speak of life, love, and the pursuit of happiness

Every summer that I went to Naples for vacation, I had prayed that some guy would notice me. I prayed that I could have a summer fling.

Every summer I wished this.

Except for this summer.

This summer, I wanted to concentrate on getting a job and anticipating my return to Gainesville, my true home now. I wanted to concentrate on my future, on my career. I wanted to leave West Palm Beach with no regrets, with no loose-ends, with no ties but to my parents.

Bob ruined it all for me.

Not to say that I'm no longer focused on my future. No one will stop me from going to college, but Bob makes it very hard for me to go back to Gainesville completely happy. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want this summer fling.

Alas, it happened. I look back on orientation day at Muvico, when I looked at all the faces of the people there, and find it almost comical how it all led to this. I took very little notice to Bob. From what I can remember, he was wearing a baseball cap and he looked very pissed (I later learned it was because he had just shaved off his long hair to get this job). My interest was mostly peaked by an old elementry school chum (Anthony) and Chris, whom I was immediately attracted to.

My first month working at Muvico, I rarely spoke to Bob. I said hi to him on occasion because he was one of the few I was hired with. He was mostly very quiet. Until one day I actually worked with him on concession. He was doing hotspot that day and it was very slow. I was conversing with some of my other co-workers and I noticed that Bob would stand around, listening to our conversations, but not saying a word. So I started talking to him. Can't remember if it was that day or another day, but we just started talking about movies. Then I had said something about bisexual people and he said, "What's wrong with them?" I said, "Nothing, I love bi and gay people. Why, are you bi?" And he said yes. Oy, I thought that was hot, but I wasn't really attracted to him.

A few days later, he came to Muvico on his day off. He was wearing a Harley-Davidson leather jacket. I remembered because when I saw him, I thought, "Wow, he looks hot in that." I even told him so. There was no harm in it.

We started working together more, getting to know each other more. Then one day, he came to upstairs concession where I was working and asked what time I got off work. I told him 5. He was disappointed because he got off work at 6 and he wanted to see a movie with someone. I told him I'd work an extra hour and we could hang out.

Maybe that was when it all started. But something happened.

I've learned from my past relationships, especially from my relationship with Brandon, to never assume anything, ESPECIALLY emotions. I thought it too good to be true that Bob would like me. But he proved me wrong. He DOES like me.

When I gave him my number, I thought he would either lose it or never call. He proved me wrong by actually calling me.

One day on my break when I couldn't find him, I thought he had gone home already without saying good bye. He proved me wrong yet again by showing up an hour or so later and saying, "Did you honestly think I'd leave without saying bye?"

He told me Sunday night that he would call "before Thursday." As every hour went by today, I didn't think he'd call. I figured he just didn't really care enough to take the time to call me, that he wasn't really required to do anything of the like since we aren't really dating.

But he did call me.

My lack of trusting my assumptions have made me look like an ass, which was what I was trying to avoid in the first place. I can go on making an ass out of myself and never telling him how I feel. I can go on not telling him anything because I fear he'll reject my feelings much like Brandon did.

Or...

I can, in simple terms, tell him that I'll miss him, that he is my only regret as I flee from West Palm, that he has made me happier than I've ever been since I was with Ashvind. I can tell him that I treasure the memory of his vibrant hazel eyes, that I laugh every time I think of him impersonating Stewart from Mad TV, that I think of him playing "Creep" whenever I listen to Radiohead, that I smile when I think upon our intimate moments, that I think of him whenever I feel my ring missing on my finger.

I can tell him all this or say nothing at all and never know if he truly cared for me or not.

I can confess all this or utter not a word and HE will never know how much he truly meant to me.